A wierd thought

I went into the breakroom earlier and the TV was on the military channel and the guy hosting the show was an ex navy seal sniper. Most people probably think oh hey cool etc. Or just don't even think at all. The only thing I could think was. Wow most people who murder get locked up and thrown in jail. Abhored. But here we go and give the guy a tv show. Specifically because he was really good at killing. It makes me sick. It shows me how far the world really has to go to truly attain world peace. And part of me is filled with doubt that its even possible. Organizations like the UN and NATO fake you into believing its possible but is it really? For all the progress we make the whole thing is alot like plugging a dam about to burst. You fill one hole with your left hand then another opens up you cover it with your other hand then another hole. Now you are using your feet and your thighs and your face. Ok bad analogy but here is my point. We have been a long time without war. Our population is out of control. My thoery is that means war is inevitable. Because eventually we will reach a point were there are too many people for the available resources we have in the world. When it gets to that and people start getting hungry and thirsty and there are too many mouths to feed, not like now where there aren't really too many mouths to feed. Those hungry people in far off lands, and the street corner, are just a representation of greed. We have the resources to feed them its just to much work and we don't care enough. I mean when we literally do not have enough food or space for people. How will the world become? The poor will get desperate. I think it might be similiar to when there were REALLY poor people in Europe before we discovered new lands. Because they were tired and poor and didn't have what they needed and there was revolution. Then the world got some bigger pants and there was room to breathe. But now those pants are starting to fit a little tight. And before too long the button will pop. I plan to try and do my part. I wrote up some ideas I have for helping the homeless on my timed writing blog a few days back. Also maybe I should write a book about an overpopulated future. First I think i'll see what other books are out about it though.

End Ramble

Cheers,
Tyler

A little list i made today

What I want to be:

• Funny
• Creative
• social
• spontaneous
• at east
• lively
• energetic
• boisterous
• learned
• impressive
• easy going
• gregarious
• loved
• surrounded by friends
• well read
• Tan
• in love
• outgoing
• mellifluous
  
• engaging
  
• successful
• vivacious
• an artist
• a comedian
• a jack of all trades
• a cook
• a gardener
• a husband
• a father
• an entertainer
• unafraid
• not broken
• accepted
• confident
• attractive
• cool
• hot
• sexy
• lusted after
• sweet
• caring
• unassuming
• tedius
• clean
• productive
• passionate
• romantic
• a playboy
• an affecter
• a big shot
• a big deal
• monumental
• the shit
• a family man
• a writer
• a doer
• a liver
• a traveler
• a friend
• a force to be reckoned with
• taken seriously
• an over achiever
  
• amazing
• an enigma
• interesting
• eccentric
• not awkward; except around a girl i like then its ok
• not self conscious
• free
• in control
• the best me i can be
• inventive
• new
• origional
• classic
• healthy
• a creator
• a dream chaser
• a dream catcher
• the man
• the money
• important
• far reaching
• epic
• eternal
• never ending
• at peace
• helpful
• generous
• practical
• impactful
• financially independent
• unphased
• uncaring
• self assured
• capable
• proficient
• handy
• dandy
• not jealous
• influential
• non judgmental
• dedicated
• carefree
• independent
  
• a leader
• a trail blazer
• a trend setter
• a flirt
• respectful
• spiritual
• self aware
• giving
• courageous
• physical
• outdoorsy
• an adventurer
• at peace
• spiritual
• in shape
• enlightened
• paramount
• splendid
• economical
• green
• happy

Ooops that is a long list. Sorry.

Wierd Dreams.....Are There Any Other Kind?

I had a slew of weird dreams last night. But I'll tell you about one. My friend CJ who i haven't talked to in ages showed up randomly here in Las Vegas. He was driving this Red car that looked like a mini. We were driving around and I asked what he was doing out here he said he was buying a truck. I said oh how are you driving this back? He said I'm not its yours. And I was like sweet. And then I went to get insurance so I could buy it. And the insurance place was mafia run. I only know this because there was this girl in a business suit and theya re like. "You have a bad driving record? Its ok she's a murderer." And I was like Ahhhhhhhh. And I ran away. And woke up.

Cheers,
Tyler

But

But i knew
that you were a truth
i would rather lose
then to have never
laid beside at all.

Footage of my foot.

I am bored. i'm watching tool time. It is a great show. I'm blogging from my phone. I dunno why there is a lap top literally within arms length. I feel sick to my stomach.

Signing off,
Tyler

Lunch.

This is the best part of the Pizza hut buffet. Salad carrot sticks and canned fruit medley. This post gives me an idea. If you want to know what the idea is text me. And i will share it.

Cheers,
tyler

Interesting article

Steve Pavlina’s Personal Development Blog has posted an interesting article today that I liked. It is a list of 200 reasons he loves writing.

Video test

Ok so i am posting a video from my phone hope this works

Test

This is a test

The Meh Bleh Blahg

Today it rained. Not just a little like normal but all day. I left the house at around noon into the dreary cold. My thought was its ok it will go away in an hour or so like normal. But the weather decided not to cooperate. I lived in Seattle for a day. Which is annoying when you are walking and taking the bus everywhere. At least my camel hair jacket was good at keeping the water at bay. Which is weird to me because camels are from the desert and it never rains in the desert, except today when it rained here in Las Vegas a desert. Shows you what I know.

For lunch I had Korean BBQ. I have had it before back home in Kentucky and decided to have it again. When I first sat down I looked at the menu and saw the prices. $18.00 for the cheapest item. Wowza. And I was trapped I couldn't just leave...I already ordered water. Then I noticed the little lunch special insert. $8.00 whew. I can handle that. So I ordered the spicy pork, I like spicy I like pork thats the definition of win/win.
How is that for presentation? I was at this restaurant for some time as I decided to write a little story while waiting for my food. Well I didn't stop writing till I hit 6 pages written. Not bad for just flowing from brain to paper. It is a fiction piece my first foray into the format. I might post it up when I get a chance to type it out. I also stopped and bought a package of pens and some groceries. Fairly productive day. Despite being out for six hours. Oh well you can't win them all at least I wasn't using gas and destroying the planet. And I got the exercise from walking. Always good.

Songwriter

I wrote a bunch of lyrics last night. I walked home and took a long way and stopped every few seconds to write. Time for the highlight reel.

This first part of this one just came to me. Its kind of a half round. The parenthesis part is sung starting half way through binding.

It was verbally binding

(I didn't say a word)

It was verbally binding

(I know what I heard)

You signed the dotted line

when your lips touched mine

Our tounges bore witness

when they entwined

Now its about a kiss obviously but i'm not sure if I like the two last lines. Some possible alternates.

I think our tounges will agree
from the moment they meet

or

I think our tounges would agree
If they were ever to meet

I dunno which to use I like all three :(

Song 2 I was thinking...you know I can write about anything like just pick a random word and write a song. Well I challenged myself with "wayward" Here is what i came up with. The first lines of each pair are sung out kind of long stretching the syllabls and should last as long as the second line.

Wayward & Windblown
With the world at your back and no place to go
Trampled & Downtrodden
Your life feels lost your soul forgotten

Pillaged & Plundered
You have lived your life with thunder (or
maybe: You have lived a life of color)
Brazen & Bolstered

Ok thats as far as I got but not too shabby starting with nothing but a word I've always enjoyed.

Thats all for now.

Tool Time

I'm Tim the tool man Tyler. I shall make use of my new toy.

Ok the lyric I wrote a while ago that I want to expand is below.

This clock, hanging on the wall
Tick Tock, to the beating of my heart
I wait, silent and alone
It got late, I've yet to hear the phone
Uh oh, this can only mean one thing

This is a verse I decided and i like it because of the rhyme at the front of the line. Its unexpected and it works. However thats all I have. So to try and expand this thing its story time.

I'm waiting for a phone call...an important one. Life altering. It won't alter my life directly but somone I care for. So I'm affected, I'm in the the thick of things. "I'll let you know tonight......it should only take a few minutes once I get home." That was 30 minutes ago, not long if she didn't work 5 minutes from home. Worry starts seeping in slowly in the tiny cracks in my resolve. Widened with every tick of the perfectly metered second hand. My emotion building to an unknown end. "Maybe she had to stop on the way home, or had a flat." A worrisome alternative that does little to push the worry back out the cracks. My calm exterior hiding the frantic effort to empty the leaky boat. My silence not casual disinterest but a conserted effort. Yet I maintain. 90 minutes. Something is wrong....very wrong. The dam is bursting. Slow leaks become torrrents. Possibly becomes definately. I shake uncontrollably, overwhelmed. Realization. 1. the making or being made real of something imagined, planned, etc. It sounds nothing like it feels. Maybe I'll write a feeling dictionary. Those little chart faces aren't enough and mirriam webster has it all wrong too. I have to fill my mind with something so I imagine her devestated. Its not a pleasant thought. She would be with her friend crying in her arms. The gap between my emotional state prior to the point of realization and after is immeasureable. And it doesn't directly effect me. The factualization of her worry surely knocked the wind out of her. Next I step through what I plan to say in an attempt at comfort. A vain attempt. Patching a masterpiece with ducktape. It always seems that bad news gets delayed. It catches all the red lights, balks at every opportunity. The longer you have to wait for the answer the worse it must be. Is this a negative outlook? Does anyone think, "I should have heard something last week, it must be good news." At three hour mark I feel a different pain. My concern shifts from the impending pronouncenment to the fact that it hasn't been pronounced yet. Why the delay? I suspected I was third in line to hear the news but that doesn't warrant a three hour wait. There is a subtle juxtaposition of hurt and pain that there hasn't been a call and shame and embarrassment for being so selfish. Now I imagine her collapsed on the floor. Hopeless, desperate and feeling alone. Her world has ended for all intents and purposes. Or maybe she's embarassed by the bad news and too chicken to dial the numbers. Well I can rule out one of those. My hands move over the keyboard with an air of practice. Straight to voice mail. I leave a message to call me back asap and decide I'm tired of feeling and drag myself off to bed. I sleep soundly waking earlier than usual, my body in tune with my mind. I check my phone. A text message emblazoned across its screen "Everything is fine. I AM SO SORRY I didn't call I fell asleep." I feel like sweet and sour chicken, she is ok, but she didn't call. Today one matters a whole lot more than another so all is forgiven. I'll probably get some extra sweet conversation the next few days. Is it because she feels bad for forgetting or her relief manifested in a good mood? I tell my self to stop analyzing and just enjoy the ride....I've always been a fan of rollercoasters.

There is the story. Now I need to extract from it lyrics. The best part is this. I'm at work kind of busy and a little drained from writting the story. But now I can go back and read it any time and get my head into the emotional state needed to write the lyrics, or so I hypothosize. We will see how it works. I'll update the lyrics I obtain using this method.

Cheers,
Tyler

New writing tool

I have a new writing tool, its for song writing. The idea is to essintially write out a short story, more writing ;p, and then try to retell it as a song. Condense it. I plan to take the idea a bit further too. The full process is more for when I have say 2 or 3 lines pop into my head that I really like. Well how do you make that a full song? As it is I have tried stumbling along writing it line by line as a song. But I think thats unfocused. In the future I will let what ever lines truly flow, flow. Then I will take it and expand it out into a short story letting my brain play in the details of the story then I will go back to the initial idea which is to condence or reduce the story into a song. Its funny how the world connects. This idea is alot like cooking. Lots of sauces start with a big pot of juice, usually a broth and wine mixture, that you reduce or condence down. You end with less sauce but its much more packed with flavor. In the instance of the song its more packed with emotion.

Yay a shiny new tool that will sit in my shed collecting dust

The unfathomable

A poem about the expanse that is our brains. They are limitless and it is amazing. The idea that I can hold infinity in my hands; my personality, experiences, ideas, emotions, thoughts, languages, histories, formulas. The entire universe is a concept molecularly contained. This to me is the proof of god. Right now I'm not sure if that is the complete poem or a beginning. I'm happy with both possibilites


On a precipice head in hands
There is a vastness contained
Any can hold but few understand

I love new york

The vh1 show I love new york is playing on the televison at work. New York would eat me alive. The city not the ghetto super star.

I like the sketch mode on my phone like grapes, bunches. haha that was lame but here is a picture. I pretend I draw them. It makes me feel artistic.

Bad blogger.

I'm a bad blogger. Four days no post. What has become of me. Well I spent one day reading Dry an amazing account of author Augusten Bourroughs fight with alcoholism. Maybe I'll do a book review later because it was such an amazing book its not even funny and I relate to it in a lot of ways. Which is sad because it sucks but good to know you aren't alone in the world in how you feel, react and respond.

I've not been keeping up with my writing in the past few days at all. I will have to correct this, though I have played my guitar alot and wrote some new riffs I treasure. I also worked on some covers to help me understand songwriting more and to help me develop my voice.

Current songs I can cover:
The Decemberists - Engine Driver
The Decemberists - We both go down together (about half of the song, working on the bridge)
Dashboard Confessional - Hands Down (This is a rough rough cover the guitaring is wierd)
Calibretto 13 - High Five (Fun fun fun song)
Saves The Day - Jessie & My Whetstone (Classic amazing song)

Songs I Plan on covering:
One Tin Soldier
Puff the magic dragon (To be honest I really would like to do this as a metal song)
and many many others.


I think its unfair that losing your mind doesn't drop a single ounce on the scales. Turkey day was a triumph. I went to a cowokers house. She just had family over so I got to sit in and observe. Her son Robert has auspergers. He is very smart for 11. He crochetes, has a million animals, and his favorite movie is the stand. He gets a little excitable at times like when we hog tied him with hand cuffs. It was funny I took pictures. Also while we were eating his uncle was talking about how he does lighting for celebrities and what not and Robert asked if he knew Britney Spears. And he said he has not met her. And Robert said "Thats too bad I wonder if she's really crazy. If she still had her hair I would like to put it in my mouth and chew on it." Hahah he randomly said stuff like this which would probably freak most people out but me it made laugh histerichally and feel a need to pee my pants. This kid intriques me. He would make a good little brother in the "big brother" program. If I was garunteed to get a genius kid like him I'd probably do it.

Cheers,
Tyler

Its happened again.

Another lyric and tune has come to me. This one is catchier than the last I believe. I will not make the same mistake I did yesterday though. 10 hours of this lyric sung over and over ought to prevent the resurgence of that tragedy. I don't like the end of that sentence. It tried too hard to be wordy. It was forced a star shape block jammed into the circle, left there because it kind of works. How was that for being more metaphoric and less comparative?

Thats all for now.

Cheers,
Tyler

Post before I leave work

Bored at work and reading some articles on song writing, music theory, guitar thoery and scale/modal theory. Its really starting to come together in my head. Its a puzzle I saw years ago thought was pretty and didn't do more than open the box. Now I have a few sections done and the picture is coming together and I can see where its going. Very amazing. Mind blowing even. I'm very very excited.

Blood & Bloody Ashes

I've forgotten the tune for the lyrics I wrote. This is terrible. I'm so sad. I've been listening to music at work isntead of singing it incessantly and now I've paid the price. I really hope I can regain it on my walk home. Say a little prayer for me.

Cheers,
Tyler

The Creative Commons

I have compiled a nice list of ways to help as outlets to creativity. Creativity Tools is what I think of them as. I will list them in no particular order.

Timed Writing:
set a timer, move your pen and don't stop till the buzzer says its ok.

1000 words project:
Natalies idea to take pictures then write 1000 words about them. Amazing

Association listing:
This is a comedy technique a way to explore your topic and exand your routine to include things surrounding the specific topic. So if your topic is the post office you list things specific to it. For example; stamps, long lines, disgruntled employees, postage costs, commemmerative stamps, air mail, etc. This probably wouldn't be good for a prose type writing but could translate really well to song/lyric writing.

The Leaf:
I call this the leaf because I heard a song called Leaf and the song was all about describing the leaf in a very romantic and poetic way. And so the idea for me is to pick random objects, a styrofoam cup or a plunger, and write the most eloquent verse I can for it.

Cover Song Game:
This one is for music. I decided I will start covering songs like two or three a week. This will help me with my voice, expose me to more lyrics and give me something to play when girls are around and I want to impress their pants off. But instead of just learning a song like most poeple do I figure I will do a full analysis of each song. Try to really understand the lyrics by looking at the word choice, rhyme scheme and in general what picture it paints in my head. This is what songs do, they paint a picture in your head. So maybe when writing songs I need to get a picture in my head and just start describing it. But I need to see how these other great songwriters do it. Create a list of feelings evoked by the music. Things of this nature.

Cover Song Game: (For Books)
I think I would like to something simliar with books I really like. This processes will be much more difficult and maybe too much we'll see. I figure read books and if I find ones I really like I can reread deconstructing them to see how they work and how they tick. Briefly describe each chapter in no more than 1 paragraph per chapter. Then look at those descriptions and see how the book looks from the 10,000 feet. When you read a book you aren't actively considering the whole thing at once its a journey from beggining to end, maybe looking at it more as a whole, made easier by the chapter descriptions I can start to really see how the plot looks. Find interesting passages and try to figure out why I like them. Rewrite parts of the book with my own ideas, experiences or whatnot. This idea is still a work in progress I'll update if I get any more good ideas.

Thats all my ideas for now. If I could do these everyday I'd be a writer extraordinaire. I haven't really been writing or creating an immense amount but i'm a snowball that just started rolling down the mountain. I'm destined to be big, I can feel it and maybe take out a house or two. The storm has been forcasted and the chance of percipitation is 100%, this weather man is never wrong. In the immortal words of Ollie Williams, the family guy weather man, "Its gonna rain!!!"

Cheers,
Tyler

A Post Without a Point (but not the fence kind)

Disclaimer: This post, as the title may have hinted, will be rampant with puns sorry its my mood. If this blog had one of those "Current Mood" thingies it would be set to punney. See if you can find them all, here I'm imagining those highlights magazines littering doctor's offices across America.

Ok this is a random post to get some random stuff out of my head. I like capturing my thoughts instead of discarding them.

Ice is very cool but the coolest is crushed. I wish I was president so I could make it a law that ice shall not be dispensed unless it is crushed first. No I'll rewrite the constitution to include it. Why not just wish to directly create the law? Well the thing I've learned about wishes, as a little boy I contemplated them thoroughly, is that you never wish for what you want directly you think up a few steps to something that could make that happen as well as lots of other cool stuff. For example if I'm president I can not only change that law I can also appoint a bunch of midgets as my cabinent members so I feel like a giant and I could also declare war on random things like potatoes, calling crayons Crowns and Texans.

Also forgetfullness can sometimes be a good thing. Like when you forget that the smoothie place messed up your order and you come back from lunch to find a do over at your desk. Sweetastic. Sunshine Sherbert. Nothing with that name can make you fat right? I'm right don't try and debunk me.

While I was on lunch another miraculous thing occured. Lyrics popped into my head along with a tune to which they should be sung. This has NEVER happened before and is a really big sign that things in my life are moving where I want them. Its really weird to think of where I was 6 months ago and where I am now. If you told me where I would be, how I would feel etc I would n't have believed you. It makes me really excited for the next six months. Profound growth and change. I really feel it. More on this on my next post, a post with structure and a point.

Ok since I'm sure you are extremely interested I'll put up the little bit I have. I can't convey the tune its sung too but a few words to describe it would be ultra-catchy, uber-amazing and postmodern-belushism. Ok the last one not so much I don't think its actually a thing. Its about global warming. And I probably only think its catchy because I wrote it and I'm pretty sure its not stolen like every other time I THOUGHT I wrote a lyric.

Title: Mother Nature Is No Mother Of Mine

We've got a penchant for progress
But no one ever told us
What would happen
And its happened

We didn't think it through
Now we're left without a clue
Oh can we fix it
We better fix it

The weather ever warmer
and storms getting stronger
We're in trouble
Deep trouble


Hahah ok now that I put it in there and I was resinging it. I'm worried I stole the tune. I hope not. I don't want to be Vanilla Ice.

Cheers,
Tyler

Words words words

Ok I read an interview with Colin Meloy, front man for the amazing band The Decemberists, and in the interview he used so many words that I didn't know. I decided then and there it was time to expand my vocabulary, or as Miss Judy Hart always harkened "Elevate your diction". I love that saying so much. It sounds like it should live in a fortune cookie. So I set about improving my vocabulary the only way I know how, a vocab list. :)

Week 1 Personal Vocabulary List:

• Ambrosia
• Peripheral (I know this word but i don't use it enough so its on the list)
• Cadence (Same as above I love this word)
• Anathema
• Disparate
• Dalliance / Dalliant
• Ecclesiastical (Ek lez ee ass tickle) hahah ass tickle. I think i should write pronunciations for the dictionary
• Imprecate / Imprecation
• Execrate / Execration
• Phenom
• Anachronism / Anachronistic
• Cherub <-- this is me I love it. "A person, esp a child, with a sweet chubby innocent face."

Sure some might say its not how big it is its how you use it, but they weren't talking about your vocabulary. Bigger is better and mine will increase in size. I wonder if they sell pills that do this? Probably not or I would have known by an enormous amount of emails from random people about how they wish their boyfriend had a voracious vivacity for the vernacular. Oh well.

Cheers,

Tyler

P.s. I liked today's post. It felt like it could be a witty article in some magazine somewhere.

My Top 5 Concerts of all time ever for real shuttlecock

Ok as I went over the music I've listened to for the past few days it made me think back to all the concerts I've gone to. Amazing fun. However I like lists, rankings and ratings(usually on a 1-10 scale), so I've decided to rank the top 5 concerts attended each will have a brief description to ensure you understand why they were chosen. And of course I'll start at the bottom because if you start at 1 you aren't building to anything.



#5. The Queers

I have seen these guys in concert four times. They put on a great show and everytime I go there is SOOO much energy its not even funny. I however have never owned one of thier cd's nor know any of thier songs. I'm Hawaii Five oh so weirdo. Oh well. I did buy a sweatshirt that said The Queers. It was a hoodie and my favorite except for my Cincinnati Swim Team hoodie. But school didn't like it and made me turn it inside out at every turn. Teenage oppression at its finest.

#4. Dashboard Confessional & Saves The Day

Being a hopless romantic I think it goes without saying I'm a closet emo boy. I loved both of these bands and they were playing together...yeah I gotta be there for this. Two cool things about this show made it memorable. First I was standing right next to the guys who yelled that Dashboard Sucked and needed to quite whining and get off stage. This must happen alot because he has some very witty retorts. I don't know what he said but I will say what I would have said, "Sucks to be you, you paid for this concert and now I have your monies, go away plebian." Haha his was better probably but I don't remember. The second really cool thing was for pretty much every song he had a chorus of girls singing his lyrics. It was kinda of spooky. I mean at most shows people know the lyrics and some sing along. But I swear EVERY girl and some of the boys, me included, were singing along. It was one of the most powerful things I have ever experienced and I hope one day I have a room full of cute girls singing songs I wrote back to me. He was cool about it he would randomly stop singing and it was just them and he would smile, shake his head maybe giggle. Thats sooo how I would react.

#3. Aquabats, Planet Smashers & Pirate Lady With a Keyboard

I don't remember the band name of the pirate lady who opened this show but
she was pretty good. The planet smashers did an amazing job of making thier
segment fun and interactive even if you have never seen them. They would
have us do things like all sit down or whatever and even taught us
catchy chorus's to their songs so we could all sing along. Fun band who
I love now. And of course Aquabats, good good good band. I love them. I
went to this show with Natalie and her sister Emily. It was super rad
because I was at the show with the cutest girl there. Always makes you
feel good. I think we got a picture with the drummer from Aquabats and I
have it somewhere. I was very sweaty because there were 1 million people
in Topcats which is small. I love small venues with millions of people.
I like to feel the heat. I like when it doesn't matter to anyone if you
are sweaty and bump into eachother. Its about the music and thats
all that matters. We will squish eachother trying to get closer to it and maybe
feel it more completely.

#2. They Might Be Giants & Gregory Douglass

My friend Mike and I drove to chicago to see this band. I drove. It was four hours and by the end my hands were numb and I thought I was having a heart attack. I didn't. We walked all around Chicago before the concert and my feet were dead. The concert was in this open air seated thing and Gregory Douglass opened. That indvidual performance had dual guitarists and they did amazing things that blew my mind and it may have been the single most amazing performanc eby a band ever. But his cd was not like that at all, still really really good but not best ever. So he gets number 2. TMBG came out and told everyone to get out of thier seats and run down to the stage. We did and it rocked. Soooo amazing they are. All the classics and I was in love. I bought two cd's and a t-shirt. I rarely spend money at concerts so it was big.

#1. The Decemberists & My Brightest Diamond

This show was a birthday gift from Mike. I went with him and his then fiance, now wife, Courtney. It was amazing. My Brightest Diamond opened and were very good. But then The Decemberists came out and I was just sitting there in awe. I love this band. I love how literary they are and wordy. I love how he fabricates timeless tales about soldiers, sailors and prostitutes. I love that there was a compulsory dance contest int he ailes. I loved that they acted out many of thier songs the best being The Mariners Revenge song. These guys are modern day bards. Spinning epic storylines that really pull you in. I have to see these guys more. Alot more.

Back in the saddle

Ok I haven't done much writing the past few days; blog, creative or grocery list even. My pen has been silent. But I am writing now. I've written more in the past two weeks than the rest of my previous life I believe, at least as far as non assigned school work goes. The past few days I've been singing and playing my guitar. My voice definantely feels improved and stronger. I'm hitting piches on songs I'm covering and it feels good. Growth is good. Aside from that I've been listening to alot of music lately and will do a review below. I listened to it on a nice sound system with a big screen tv playing a full screen visualization thingie and all the lights set to dark. Only way to listen to music.

My Brightest Diamond:
I found this band when I saw the Decemberists in concert. She was pretty good, good enough to make my friend burn me the album. I've been listening to her cd "Bring me the workhorse" and what started as general interest has become full blown love. One of my favorite female vocalists ever now.

They Might Be Giants:
These guys have a new cd and its pretty good. Not thier best album, which is a toss up between NO! and Flood. Flood is classic TMBG and NO! is a kids album that will be a mainstay for my kids whenever I have them. I like TMBG because they are random and silly and nonsensical. And they aren't crazy vulgar to be funny. Moxy Frouvous is the Canadian version of them and I love them too. I think Aquabats might be their ska version. All good bands. This particular album was not as amazing as thier other stuff, it was more like they made it to remind me of all thier other good stuff and to go back and listen to it. Which I will do when I have my computer with my music again.

Hot Hot Heat:
These guys are great. They remind me of a cross between I AM Robot, an amazing amazing band, and the new pornographers. I guess I consider all of these bands kind of like British Pop I dunno why none of them are probably from Britainland. I haven't put in alot of time listening so I won't put in alot of time writing

Architechture in Helsinki:
I really like these guys and while listening to the new album decided they remind me of a cross between Devo and The B52's. I want to listen more to this cd but I've been stuck on my brightest diamond.

Aqua Teen Hunger Force OST, and The Animaniacs OST:
I love love love OST's so much. So I listened to these and they were hilarity. ATHF is metal and Animaniacs feels like showtunes or something. All funny. I love laughing so much.

Needing to listen to:

1. The Bees
2. Battles
3. Clientele
4. The New Pornographers (New CD)
5. This other band who's name escapes me right now but reminds me of 50s music infused with indie.
6. Jeremy Enigk

Next I think I will write a blog about my top 5 concerts off all time.

Movies

I listened to the Walk by Imogen Heap today because Nat blogged about it. And I love that song now. That reminded me of Let Go by Frou Frou and so I listened to that and the youtube video had clips from Garden State. Which I have not watched in a long time. I think I've seen it about 8 times more than almost any other movie I've seen. I need to watch this again it is such an amazing movie it really is.

Also I found this video.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=VVXtawJXcbg&feature=related
I tried to embed it so it would be all cool and in the post but no it won't work. Oh well I'll just tell you what it is. Its an a Capella version of Frou Frou's Let Go by some choir. I love a Capella covers so much. When ever I get my computer back I think I'll listen to them I have like 30 :) So awesome. I think its because I'm amazed by beautiful voices and wish I had one.

Randomly written while waiting for the bus and observing ants........

The sole purpose of species other than humans is survival. Reproduction being a large part of that. Sleep. Eat. Fuck. Sorry to be harsh but that is how it is to be an animal. Its base but undeniable. It must suck being a female ant. The queen is the only one that gets any action. I know all mammals find sex pleasurable. Eating feels good so you will eat and nourish yourself, going to the bathroom feels better than holding it so you will expel your toxins and sex feels good so you will make babies. Its how animals know what they are supposed to do. They seek pleasure and avoid pain. I wonder how insects experience sexual pleasure rather if they do at all. They don't procreate with others they just lay eggs or shoot stuff on them. Thats so detached. Their exoskeletons make them these little walking blood capsules. They don't have muscles or nerves. Take ants for example they feel around with antennas as they move about. If you crush an ant but carefully avoid his antennas does he feel it? What are their brains like? I know they must have some form of one. I also know they experience some form of the emotion fear. If I spit and it lands on an ant he runs. In order to flee he must sense danger and feel the need for self preservation. On the other end of the insect world are bees. They die when stinging. Its his only form of defense but he will use it even if all his life did was cause me some swelling and itching. Suicide bombers but with little effect. Its mean to have bees die from one sting yet wasps can buzz around jabbing and poking their hearts out, not that they have them. This makes the bee noble in my mind. A soldier giving his life to defend his country, or hive. But he is going to war with one bullet. I hope he has good aim.

Cheers,
Tyler

Morning thoughts

I always have thoughts in the morning and I'm afraid I will forget them by the time I get to work to record them. I need one of those voice recorders, mostly so I can pretend I'm a therapist or a detective.

My first real thought today was when I turned on some music. The reciever was set to a volume of 70. Way too loud. I turned it down to 30. This made me think of how undeniable it is that night time is louder than morning. I love that everything is relative I've always believed that. Hopefully I'll recognize more of these situations of realitivity and can comment on them. I feel like Einstien crafting his thoery only I bet his is more important to the world, yet mine is more important to me. Oooh another moment of realitive importance. I'm on a roll. Maybe I'll publish a paper on my thoery if I ever complete it.

Also today I thought how I would like to start a construction company. Not to make money so much, though money would be good, but so I can take my team and sneak onto golf courses and erect giant windmills and waterfalls. Turn it into a miniature golf corse over night. Sans miniature. I love the word Sans.

I am going to start writing every morning and every night. Set a timer for 30 minutes and just don't let my pen stop writing. I think this will get some ideas out. Then I'm going to write a short story. Maybe I'll join one of those online amateur writing groups and take them by storm. I like the word amateur and the idea of taking things by storm. I want to take the world by storm. It sounds powerful , scary and romantic.

This is all for now but i'll keep you posted.

Tyler

The pittance

Pain unchanging suffered in silence
The source ebbing, flowing
Always growing, never going

Pay the price, merely a pittance
With the toll paid and choice made
Your progress only seemed delayed


That is my poem I wrote today at work. Upon leaving work today I feel a great sense of clarity and focus. Thats all I'm going to write for now. I could dredge out more but I think this post has been pretty perfect.

Short changed

Today when I paid for the lunch my office ordered. I realized that I rarely check the change I recieve from people at the end of a transaction. I assume because I would never short change anyone no one would short change me. I mean sure people make mistakes, I'm ok with that I figure if someone makes a mistake it will make up for sometime I short changed someone esle on accident. I hope the cashiers of the world never conspire against me to take my money because I wouldn't stand a chance.

Short post

I was watching clips of the office. WOW I just realized how completely I love this show. I wonder if actors ever play a role and think wow. I wish I was this funny or interesting or whatever. I think I would so maybe I shouldn't be an actor unless I'm playing myself. Back to the office. I love pam and jim I think Pam is amazing. But I also love dwight very much I sort of think of myself sort of as a dwight but when I say the absurd things i am making jokes instead of being serious. I'd say I was jim but i don't want to seem pretentious. I feel sorry for michael and love him. Its an ensemble cast that really can't function if you pull any of the members away. I was worried when it seemed like we were going to lose stanley.

The never ending blog post [part 1]

Today will be the longest blog post EVER for me. Not much competition with my one lonely post. Today I'm going to reflect on yesterday. I felt quite depressed, today is much better which is funny to think because today isn't really very good. However I think yesterdays feelings should be captured so at least something good comes of them. On a side note in my editor the words Today in sentance one and three line up perfectly. I do that ALOT when I write on pen and paper. I never know if I do it on subconciously and on purpose of if its a fateful accident. It also makes me a tad upset that I used the same word twice within two lines. I do that too often sometimes. Though I have to admit often its words like the, at or is. You can't avoid repetition with those words. Anyway back on to yesterday. Its weird writing this because I these are all thoughts I've had between waking and now and I always hate writing after the fact because I have profound thoughts and I'm worried i'll forget them when I finally start to write. I need to be in the habit of keeping a notebook with me at all times and writing as soon as I think things. One of my best pieces came like that. Writing free form as I thought it. It was written on a plane. Doing that would make me feel like a writer I bet.

OK so I yesterday I thought I felt nothing. Which is wrong. When I looked back this morning I realized I was feeling everything. Depression to me is white not black. Black is the absence of color but for me its white, its every color, every thought, every feeling, every worry, every thing. Its a sense of just being overwhelmed. Its when life is a cluttered room with too much going on and to much needing to be done and you don't know where to start so you feel like its too much and you open the door and run in slam the door shut and climb into bed and just lay there. Doing nothing. Thats my definition not Merriam Websters. They did make redonkulous a word just because everyone started using it. This reminds me of the age old adage "If everyone was jumping off of a bridge would you?" most people quickly answer no. But if everyone is doing it maybe there's a good reason. Maybe there is a big pile of leaves and you'll land safely and there is a party down there. You'd miss the awsome fall party, what a perfectly themed entrance to the party too. And I bet they have apple cider which is the best. Especially when its warm and has a cinnamon stick that serves the dual purpose of straw and stiring device.

So I decided I needed to do something to occupy my mind. To break apart the meloncholly. Then at least it wouldn't seem like a whole day of it but two smaller pieces. Easier to digest. A pill to large to swallow taken in two doses. So my roomate and I went shopping at a thrift store.
I went through the clothes searching for a perfect match. You shop with your heart not your eyes. At least I do. I fell in love with a couple of things and I found the twin of my favorite jacket for way cheaper. This made me happy. But like all of the happy I felt today it was numb and hollow and splintered. Fake and shallow. As I perused the dress pants and suit jackets I thought about how there is no way these pants were donated by someone youthful. These are old man pants. That made me wonder how many were donated after the old man had passed away. Like my grandfather. Then I'll see pants with a similar style and size and think they both belonged to the same man. I wonder if there is a third pair of pants just like these two donated ones he is rotting with. Sorry to be morbid, sometimes its how my brain thinks. Its like when I think about suicide. I never think about it in the normal sense like my friend josh who told me he's thought about doing it but is too much of a wuss to ever do it. I wouldn't even consider doing it its stupid. But I sometimes i think about the consequences surrounding it should it occur. When I was little I would think about it and wonder how my parents would feel. I think they would be sad but am I really that much of an impact in thier lives? They have another son, one alot more like them. I think I know what it feels like to be adopted. You'd be missed at first and sad but would it last? When my grandfather died I thought about him alot but I'm ashamed to admit that I don't think about him alot any longer and its only been four years later. I think I was closer to him than anyone else in my family too. I think he is where I get alot of myself and thats why I felt so close to him. He is where my humor comes from. I love my humor its my favorite part of me. We share our hair too. He could wiggle both of his ears and I couldn't. I didn't like how this made me feel. Hahah the title of my blog is so fitting. However "Paragraphs are passe" would work too. I am so unorganized which is funny considering how much I love organization. I like when things are organized and I love organizational tools but I can't bring myself to organize things. I think I'm a perfectionist but instead of being OCD where I try to make everything perfect, I say to myself, "You won't be able to make it good enough so stop while you are ahead." and I just stop. Ok now I think i'm rambling to avoid continued talk about my day. Back on track, new paragraph.

Actually I think that pretty much covers yesterday. I got home tried on my clothes took some pictures and went to bed early. Depressed people are so well rested. Now onto today. I woke up still feeling depressed. I bought some towels and washclothes last night. They were a deep hue of blue. I wonder if I chose them because of how I was feeling. So I hopped into the shower and I blasted myself with heat. The water was fire searing my skin but I barely felt it. I was outside my body watching a movie or reading a book. The air thick with steam. My skin turned pinkish red a visual reaction to the pain. At least I could see it if I couldn't feel it. I think back to when I had long hair. It never really looked very good but I liked having a curtain to hide behind whenever I wanted. If I still had it it would lick my face, sticking to some spots snaking across my cheeks. But not today. I lathered my washcloth and scrubbed. It was one of those days where you never feel clean enough. The soapy water ran blue. I thought I was imagining this at first but it was real. I guess I was supposed to wash this before using. Maybe it would paint my skin with its color and my outside would match my insides. This thought made me smile. The shower took longer than it should but still felt to short. No shivering as I step out today.

I started thinking about crying and how I can't do it. Its like when you are sick and you know throwing up will make you feel better but try as you might you can't. You feel stuck. Other than a simple tear or two I haven't cried but two times since 2001. Thats not a good track record. Maybe this is why the first Elliot Smith song that ever comes to mind is Bottle up and explode. Even though needle in the hay is his "hit". I'm a car bomb minus the car. A time bomb with no sense of time. Please defuse me I don't want to hurt anyone.

Now is when the post gets deep. I've been thinking about religion alot lately and god and what not. Something I tend to avoid. Our relationship is very familial. I don't think alot about him or talk much. We see each other on holidays and we're not more than cordial. When I was younger I doubted his existance despite being raised methodist and being an analytical kid I would test him with prayer. And if my prayers weren't delivered it fueled my doubt. I was an athiest even for a while in middle school and some of high school or I thought I was. I don't think I ever was in my heart. Late in high school I decided on agnostic which means that I felt there was some big picture some grand scheme but that I would never know in my life time what it was. AKA big giant cop out. I've always been afraid of dying and I think thats because I'm afraid of the unknown. I think this accentuates my lack of faith. I always thought belief in heaven and hell was silly. But secretly I believe it, I need to, I must. Because even if though I'm bad and I question and doubt everything that most people deem holy and I will probably end up in the one with a more tropical climate I think an eternity of pain, suffering and all that hoopla is better than just ceasing to exist. That is an idea that gives me chills and literally scares the hell out of me. I can't fathom it...not existing...not for me. I was thinking about some stuff my mormon friend told me about back in high school when we would drive to shows together that really struck a chord with me. Two things in particular are #1 Greater and lesser paradise. Its the greatest idea any god had ever. If you are a devout believer and follower of the faith you get to go to greater paradise, which I assume is like the typical version of heaven that you hear about but if you aren't so perfect and or you just don't believe then on "judgement" day you get brought before god and he does the old "told you so" and if you believe now you get to go to lesser paradise. And true hell is reserved for those who still deny god on this day of judgement. Even though I probably have misremembered how he described it I like how I think it is. The other thing that resonated with me was the story he told me of how it was founded. I forget the guys name but he didn't feel anything at his church he went and prayed and all that jazz but didn't feel anything. And then god spoke to him and he became a prophet. This is me when I was little I've never felt the presence of god. So its hard for me to relate to those who have. I remember this group of kids who were into young life and like most other hyper religious people they made me feel weird. The way they talked about god and religion didn't feel right to me and now I believe thats because they felt something I didn't which kind of makes me feel like an outcast. The mormon faith isn't without the negative side I see in every other religion though. My friends ex girlfriend was raped when she was little and when they went to the church the bishop told her too bad so sad you are going to hell for having sex before marrige. WOW. Something you have no control over you are a little girl raped by someone much older than you and your entire world gets ripped from you. Your eternity really. How sad is that. She is an angry girl now and has some problems I think and I know this without really knowing her or having a deep conversation with her. I'm perceptive but its what I like to call the cockroach effect. When you can so easily spot something in someone you know it runs MUCH deeper than you suspect. Akin to the idea that if you see a cock roach you are all ready super infested. I guess if you don't like bugs you could call it the "Tip of the iceburg" effect. Also my new roommate Josh used to be mormon. He told me a story about visiting the temple and seeing paintings deemed priceless that the church paid alot for and as a little kid thinking to himself how could they take the money they get and spend it on things like that instead of feeding the hungry etc. I see this sort of thing in almost every other religion as well and its sad. Power corrupts and no one is more powerful than the clergy. I also dislike how basically every religon is filled with people who do nothing but gossip and talk trash about others behind their back with thier holier than though attitudes. Calibretto 13 has an awsome song called "Christian Hate Mail" that talks about it that I <3. I think my non judgmentalness is one of my best qualities. Maybe I should consider one of the eastern religions. They are "spiritual" which i think means less organized and more personal. I think I should spend some time reading about them all. And make an informed decision, I mean we are talking about eternity and my soul. I think its sad most people just follow thier parents into a religion without any thoughts. I mean god gave you a brain use it. I think thats why you see so many people who will do something like wear a cross and then you see them drunk at mardi gras flashing thier breasts. Sure maybe I'm just as bad for watching but I'm not wearing a cross while I do it. WOW I really need to learn how to use paragraphs.

I saw a movie called Jesus Camp about the evangelicals. Its interesting. And kind of scary. I find it funny that the guy at the end who is this huge leader was caught with a male prostitute and a bunch of meth. Then he went to rehab for a couple of months and he was back and recovered from his demons. I didn't know it was so easy. It makes me sad because in the movie he is talking to these kids and they all look up to him. And this happens he goes away for a few months and is back in full force guiding them. In high school one of my friends was always upset because she was a christian and her dad was a youth leader of sorts at church and she would find gay websites that he went to. A lot of religious tactics rely on shaming. My parents weren't relgious but they used shame style techniques to raise me so I know how it feels and what it does to you. Its sad. Though now my mom is religious and a sunday school teacher. Maybe she'd be happy to know these thoughts. I probably won't tell her though. Thats just how I rock and roll.

I was thinking today on the bus about how the world has not really changed. From the human perspective. Sure technology has changed things but we as humans are basically the same. There have always been fat people, skinny people, depressed people, hungry people, successful people, evil people, creative people. Its all the same just in an ever changing setting. People had the same fears and insecurities. Maybe its different for girls because their roles have changed alot. But when I think this I think that the roles of guys must have changed some too. I dunno. It makes me think of the whole woman's rights movement. I am all about equality but in reality it is almost directly responsible for obesity and probably other things. Follow with me and I'll blow your mind, if you doubt my claims. When the mother left the home to start helping with earning money it meant less time raising kids which has lots of affects. The mother isn't there to really be involved. For me for example I always had a baby sitter. This also meant less time to cook and clean and take care of all of the chores. Luckily in my home my dad helped out so it wasn't as much of a strain. But for alot of people if thier dads hold that old mentality that they shouldn't have to do that, and i've seen a bunch who do. Then there is too much to do and too little time. Which is oddly enough when fast food resturaunts started to take off. First it was once a week at most. Until now its somepeoples entire diet. Sad sad thing. That being said I'm all for the stay at home mom.

Ok my thoughts and ideas have finaly petered out. Oh except I wanted to mention how I think the most amazing thing about music is when you are in a particular mood and are having particular thoughts and then you find a song you've never heard that seems like it was written for you to find at that exact moment. That is why music is powerful. For me at least. I hope I write a song some day that does that. And someone writes me a letter and tells me. Maybe I will write this band a letter.


Wow thats long. I'm not even going to try to spell check or re read it. Enjoy it in all its mutilated glory.

Randomness

Since my blog title is randomness incarnate, its a conjoinment of words that suitably describes my personality, I decided to write about my thoughts on the very nature of randomness.


ran·dom [ran-duh m]
1.
proceeding, made, or occurring without definite aim, reason, or pattern



My most random aspect is my thoughts. Its the only thing really that I feel can be random about you because you are your thoughts. Everything I think and say makes sense to me but I have the where-with-all to know that others do not connect the dots, the dots that are my thoughts. So I guess the point is that I even though I'm really random and I love randomness and random things I don't believe anything is without aim, reason or pattern. If you find something random it has a reason and a purpose you just aren't seeing the pattern, the why. I've always been a big believer in fate and I think my belief that nothing is random reflects this. Things always seem to make sense to me. Maybe I am making up those connections between things but I don't think so. I'm a really observant person, very perceptive. I read volumes in everything from what you said to how you said it your body language everything. I think thats part of why I notice how things are connected and thus less random. But I like random...I just need a new definition.

ran·dom [ran-duh m]
1. proceeding, made or occuring with loose unobvious connections, patterns or associations.

That definition fits better I think. I am a wordsmith. I think I say I think too much....probably because I do think too much. Its nice to capture those thoughts though. Even if they are ranDUHm.

For an article on assumptions and assuming.
Tune in next week.
Same Bat Time.
Same Bat Channel.

Tyler